June 2008
Danny Bernstein
I am a 46-year-old Scarsdale father with two children, ages 12 and 10 years. I have coached and organized competitive youth sporting activities in my Scarsdale community for close to 13 years. Within that time period I have personally observed the best and worst adult behavior on the sidelines of our kids’ games.
Here are a few things I’ve learned along the way:
- Do less If there’s any advice I can give to wellmeaning parents who want nothing more than to watch their children succeed in sports and fulfill their potential, it is to actually “do less.” A “do less” attitude is preferential to “overinvolved” ones preoccupied only with “programming” and “grooming” their child’s development.
- Let go Parents must learn to “let go” and realize that children have ownership of their success and failures in games. The best thing we can do as guardians is to let them experience the process. We celebrate our children’s home runs and tremble at their faux pas as if we were standing on the field with them. None of us would be proud of the videotape that captures our body language and verbal commands that we display during their activities and games.
- Mistakes are OK Our children must be allowed to make mistakes, recover and overcome if they are truly allowed to learn the transferable skills that athletic contests can teach.
- No expectations We must also learn to make decisions about our children’s participation in sports based on their own unique personalities and not on expectations that we hoist upon them. I see many young parents grimace when their little player does not perform like others on the field. We wonder what is wrong with our children and seek extra help and remedial assistance when in fact our kids motor skills have not fully developed or the children’s interests may lie elsewhere. Our kids look to us for guidance. We must be prepared to make decisions for them, which are in their best interest, not our own. We are not raisingourselves, but unique and wonderful personalities, which deserve better. Kids who are destined to be great athletes are going to get there with or without our prodding. Misguided interference can only impede, not embellish, the process.